One of the realities of being a full-time Mom: there's always more
that needs doing than there are hours enough in the day to get it done.
If you're gonna be a full time Mom, you might as well know it now and
get over it.
I've always (or at least for as long as I
can remember) been one of those people who tried to figure things out. I
don't know if that's just the way God programmed me, or if it comes
from things like my love of puzzles, or if it was inherited from my
handy-man Daddy. Maybe it's a mish-mash of all those things, who knows?
All I know is that, for a long time now, I've had the "If it's to be
it's up to me" approach to most things. If I want something to get done,
the easiest way I know of to accomplish that is to do it myself. Of
course, this means that there's always too much to get done, because
it's almost all on my plate. Sometimes, it feels overwhelming ...
exhausting even. But the truth is that it keeps my life from ever having
a chance to be "boring", and it gives me a chance to do things for the
people I care about.
For instance, my husband rarely,
if ever, has the typical "honey-do" list. There's a variety of reasons
for that. First of all, I was blessed with a man who is willing to go to
work every day and let me stay home with our children, knowing that it
will mean we don't have a new car every few years, or cable TV, or the
latest gadgets that everyone is talking about. He knows that being a
mother is all I really wanted to do, and he's given me the opportunity
to follow that dream. That, in itself, makes me want to do whatever I
can to ease his burdens where I can. And bless his heart, despite his
love of home improvement shows and the like, he just doesn't have the
patience to try and figure things out when they aren't working the way
they should. It's just not in his makeup, and that's fine. As long as he
can mow the yard now and then (which I CAN do, but try to avoid because
of my asthma) and takes out the garbage (which I can also do, but would
rather not), I'm quite content to just ask for the occasional, "When
you get a minute, would you mind ..." and leave it at that.
I'm
quite aware of my limitations, though. There's no way I can get
everything done all by myself. I make lists a lot so I don't forget
things, because sometimes I honestly think that I gave away a lot of my
brain cells to my kids while I was carrying them. It's all
circumstantial, of course, but they are each brilliant in their own
ways, and I don't remember things half as well as I used to ... I'm
sorry, where was I?
Oh yeah, getting things done. I
know I can't do everything, but oddly enough, it gives me a chance to
teach my children about getting things done. They are still at an age
where they want to be helpers, especially if they are getting to do
something out of the ordinary. And so, at 8, 5, and 3, I have them sort
laundry in a corner of the kitchen while I make breakfast. Surprisingly,
most of it actually ends up in the right place. I can hand them each a
dust rag and turn them loose in the house and 1/2 to 2/3 of a job I
loathe will be taken care of before I finish the vacuuming. I look for
kid-sized jobs, like having them unload the clothes dryer and learn to
fold socks, and I teach them one thing at a time, because I know that
one day they'll need to do all these things for themselves. And if I've
helped them learn to do it I've shown my love for them without them even knowing it. And as I watch them learn to accomplish new things on their own, I can smile at their success, and mark
something else off my list as complete.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Mary Poppins moments
Ok, I'm goofy ... I'll admit it (but only this once, and if you try to prove it later I'll only deny it!). I suppose it's only to be expected, considering I grew up in a Rogers household. If you know my clan, that will make perfect sense ... if you don't, well, I'm afraid you're really missing out. Sorry about that.
One of the things that my family has always done is play word games. Twisting words or their meanings, bad puns, changing letters to make new words ... basically whatever we can think of. We've even been known to pirate other people's word creations into our own family's everyday vocabulary. You have to think quickly to keep up with conversations around the Rogers table. As a result of this upbringing, there are times when my thoughts jump from one thing to the next in ways that are entertaining to me, and highly confusing to other people.
Case in point ... my husband asked me a couple of weeks ago if there was a particular reason I was posting quotes from Mary Poppins on my Facebook page. And I laughed, because the answer was yes, but it was probably going to take me longer to explain than it took me to think of it.
One of the main jobs I have had since we married was taking care of our finances. He hates it, and I don't mind doing it, and since I had training in accounting it just seemed to fall to me to do it, which is fine. I can't say I've always been good at it ... it's taken me quite a while to develop a plan that seems to work, and has us gaining ground instead of losing it. This has been especially important since the kids came along, because we've lived on one income for the last 6 years, and for most of that time period we had a very small income to work with. Add in factors like multiple kids in diapers, and sometimes it was quite a challenge. Then about 18 months ago, I finally found a budgeting system that works really well for us. That, in addition to the new job that my husband was blessed with about a year ago, have gotten us to the point that we don't have to hold our breath from one paycheck to the next, but actually have the money for bills and things there when we need it. It's been an enormous blessing.
A couple of weeks ago I was paying bills as I always do at the first of the month. I had balanced our budgeting book, and was doing some final "tweaking" on how I wanted to keep track of things when it suddenly occurred to me that what I was doing in my budget book was a lot like some of the online games that I get such a kick out of ... the ones that give you quests to complete, and rewards once you complete them. The farther you go the more complicated the quests get, but the larger the rewards are as well. Suddenly, in the time it had taken a thought to flit through my head, my budget planning had gone from being something that I didn't mind doing and needed my attention, to being a game that I could succeed at and enjoy. A budget? Enjoyable? What a revolutionary thought!
And it only took a moment from the time that it became a "game" that I thought of Mary Poppins. She says, "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and SNAP! ... the job's a game!" In that moment, I actually laughed out loud, which is why I posted it that day on Facebook. It didn't mean much to most folks but me, really, but it reminded me that I need to always need to teach my sons to find the good in whatever situation they are working on, no matter how mundane it seems. And the other thing I want to be sure that they learn was at the end of that same Mary Poppins tune, when Michael complains about wanting to tidy up the nursery again. We don't always have to have all the things we think we want, or constantly be entertained. Because what Mary said is true:
"Enough is as good as a feast."
One of the things that my family has always done is play word games. Twisting words or their meanings, bad puns, changing letters to make new words ... basically whatever we can think of. We've even been known to pirate other people's word creations into our own family's everyday vocabulary. You have to think quickly to keep up with conversations around the Rogers table. As a result of this upbringing, there are times when my thoughts jump from one thing to the next in ways that are entertaining to me, and highly confusing to other people.
Case in point ... my husband asked me a couple of weeks ago if there was a particular reason I was posting quotes from Mary Poppins on my Facebook page. And I laughed, because the answer was yes, but it was probably going to take me longer to explain than it took me to think of it.
One of the main jobs I have had since we married was taking care of our finances. He hates it, and I don't mind doing it, and since I had training in accounting it just seemed to fall to me to do it, which is fine. I can't say I've always been good at it ... it's taken me quite a while to develop a plan that seems to work, and has us gaining ground instead of losing it. This has been especially important since the kids came along, because we've lived on one income for the last 6 years, and for most of that time period we had a very small income to work with. Add in factors like multiple kids in diapers, and sometimes it was quite a challenge. Then about 18 months ago, I finally found a budgeting system that works really well for us. That, in addition to the new job that my husband was blessed with about a year ago, have gotten us to the point that we don't have to hold our breath from one paycheck to the next, but actually have the money for bills and things there when we need it. It's been an enormous blessing.
A couple of weeks ago I was paying bills as I always do at the first of the month. I had balanced our budgeting book, and was doing some final "tweaking" on how I wanted to keep track of things when it suddenly occurred to me that what I was doing in my budget book was a lot like some of the online games that I get such a kick out of ... the ones that give you quests to complete, and rewards once you complete them. The farther you go the more complicated the quests get, but the larger the rewards are as well. Suddenly, in the time it had taken a thought to flit through my head, my budget planning had gone from being something that I didn't mind doing and needed my attention, to being a game that I could succeed at and enjoy. A budget? Enjoyable? What a revolutionary thought!
And it only took a moment from the time that it became a "game" that I thought of Mary Poppins. She says, "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and SNAP! ... the job's a game!" In that moment, I actually laughed out loud, which is why I posted it that day on Facebook. It didn't mean much to most folks but me, really, but it reminded me that I need to always need to teach my sons to find the good in whatever situation they are working on, no matter how mundane it seems. And the other thing I want to be sure that they learn was at the end of that same Mary Poppins tune, when Michael complains about wanting to tidy up the nursery again. We don't always have to have all the things we think we want, or constantly be entertained. Because what Mary said is true:
"Enough is as good as a feast."
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
A Mommy is a helper
Several months ago when we were visiting family, a very thoughtful gentleman suggested that I write a book about mothering. I kind of laughed and told him that I posted on a blog page at times, but that was about as close as I figured I'd get. While I was flattered, I'm not sure I'd ever consider myself enough of an "expert" to really feel like I oughta be telling someone else "how-to".
That being said, being a Mommy by nature makes me a helper. Or maybe it's because it's in my nature to want to be a helper that I became a Mommy. I'm not sure I could really untangle the one idea from another. In the end it doesn't really matter. Trying to help seems to be a part of who I am, whether I can really help or not. It manifests itself in many ways.
This past week, my youngest has been sick. Beyond sick ... he's been the kind of sick that begins to spook you, where you end up calling the doctor every time you turn around. We finally got him diagnosed over the weekend ... apparently his cold morphed into a double ear infection and developing pneumonia. I'm not sure I've ever been that spooked when it comes to my kids. I spent a day and a half before we got in to see the doctor feeling totally helpless, because there wasn't anything I could DO to try and help. It's an awful feeling ... I was literally on the verge of tears for 36-48 hours. Now, with large doses of antibiotics, he's beginning to improve, and I'm finally beginning to relax again. Somehow, that kind of helping (or trying to help) seems natural when it comes to mothering.This afternoon, though, I found myself trying to help in other ways ... ways that weren't specifically related to my own family, beyond sharing my experiences.
I'm acquainted with a young mother who is only half my age. Her first child is about six months old, and while I was wandering around on a popular social media page I tripped across a post she had made that gave me the distinct impression that she was frustrated and discouraged. There were things that she was wanting to do, and trying to do, but for one reason or another they weren't working and it left her feeling like she was missing out. So I sent her a brief message that said, in essence, "If you want to talk to someone, let me know." She did.
I spent a while talking back and forth with her, and wondered if I was really helping. Perhaps I was. Perhaps I was only telling her things that she already knew. I guess the point of my reaching out to her was that I knew that when you are a new mother, even if you already "know" something, it helps to have some encouragement and reinforcement of those ideas ... someone to tell you that, no, you're not crazy for thinking what you're thinking, and no, you shouldn't feel guilty in this or that situation. Sometimes it just helps to know that someone has been through it before, and guess what ... it'll probably turn out just fine, even if it doesn't feel that way right this minute. Truth be told, sometimes even more "experienced" mothers feel that way (i.e. the sick child illustration above). I don't really have any way of knowing, since we weren't actually TALKING but doing it all by computer, whether I helped at all or not. I hope I did. And I hope that if she needs someone to talk to again she'll remember me. Because whether it's yours or someone else's ... a mother wants to be, if nothing else, a helper to those who need her.
That being said, being a Mommy by nature makes me a helper. Or maybe it's because it's in my nature to want to be a helper that I became a Mommy. I'm not sure I could really untangle the one idea from another. In the end it doesn't really matter. Trying to help seems to be a part of who I am, whether I can really help or not. It manifests itself in many ways.
This past week, my youngest has been sick. Beyond sick ... he's been the kind of sick that begins to spook you, where you end up calling the doctor every time you turn around. We finally got him diagnosed over the weekend ... apparently his cold morphed into a double ear infection and developing pneumonia. I'm not sure I've ever been that spooked when it comes to my kids. I spent a day and a half before we got in to see the doctor feeling totally helpless, because there wasn't anything I could DO to try and help. It's an awful feeling ... I was literally on the verge of tears for 36-48 hours. Now, with large doses of antibiotics, he's beginning to improve, and I'm finally beginning to relax again. Somehow, that kind of helping (or trying to help) seems natural when it comes to mothering.This afternoon, though, I found myself trying to help in other ways ... ways that weren't specifically related to my own family, beyond sharing my experiences.
I'm acquainted with a young mother who is only half my age. Her first child is about six months old, and while I was wandering around on a popular social media page I tripped across a post she had made that gave me the distinct impression that she was frustrated and discouraged. There were things that she was wanting to do, and trying to do, but for one reason or another they weren't working and it left her feeling like she was missing out. So I sent her a brief message that said, in essence, "If you want to talk to someone, let me know." She did.
I spent a while talking back and forth with her, and wondered if I was really helping. Perhaps I was. Perhaps I was only telling her things that she already knew. I guess the point of my reaching out to her was that I knew that when you are a new mother, even if you already "know" something, it helps to have some encouragement and reinforcement of those ideas ... someone to tell you that, no, you're not crazy for thinking what you're thinking, and no, you shouldn't feel guilty in this or that situation. Sometimes it just helps to know that someone has been through it before, and guess what ... it'll probably turn out just fine, even if it doesn't feel that way right this minute. Truth be told, sometimes even more "experienced" mothers feel that way (i.e. the sick child illustration above). I don't really have any way of knowing, since we weren't actually TALKING but doing it all by computer, whether I helped at all or not. I hope I did. And I hope that if she needs someone to talk to again she'll remember me. Because whether it's yours or someone else's ... a mother wants to be, if nothing else, a helper to those who need her.
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