One of the realities of being a full-time Mom: there's always more
that needs doing than there are hours enough in the day to get it done.
If you're gonna be a full time Mom, you might as well know it now and
get over it.
I've always (or at least for as long as I
can remember) been one of those people who tried to figure things out. I
don't know if that's just the way God programmed me, or if it comes
from things like my love of puzzles, or if it was inherited from my
handy-man Daddy. Maybe it's a mish-mash of all those things, who knows?
All I know is that, for a long time now, I've had the "If it's to be
it's up to me" approach to most things. If I want something to get done,
the easiest way I know of to accomplish that is to do it myself. Of
course, this means that there's always too much to get done, because
it's almost all on my plate. Sometimes, it feels overwhelming ...
exhausting even. But the truth is that it keeps my life from ever having
a chance to be "boring", and it gives me a chance to do things for the
people I care about.
For instance, my husband rarely,
if ever, has the typical "honey-do" list. There's a variety of reasons
for that. First of all, I was blessed with a man who is willing to go to
work every day and let me stay home with our children, knowing that it
will mean we don't have a new car every few years, or cable TV, or the
latest gadgets that everyone is talking about. He knows that being a
mother is all I really wanted to do, and he's given me the opportunity
to follow that dream. That, in itself, makes me want to do whatever I
can to ease his burdens where I can. And bless his heart, despite his
love of home improvement shows and the like, he just doesn't have the
patience to try and figure things out when they aren't working the way
they should. It's just not in his makeup, and that's fine. As long as he
can mow the yard now and then (which I CAN do, but try to avoid because
of my asthma) and takes out the garbage (which I can also do, but would
rather not), I'm quite content to just ask for the occasional, "When
you get a minute, would you mind ..." and leave it at that.
I'm
quite aware of my limitations, though. There's no way I can get
everything done all by myself. I make lists a lot so I don't forget
things, because sometimes I honestly think that I gave away a lot of my
brain cells to my kids while I was carrying them. It's all
circumstantial, of course, but they are each brilliant in their own
ways, and I don't remember things half as well as I used to ... I'm
sorry, where was I?
Oh yeah, getting things done. I
know I can't do everything, but oddly enough, it gives me a chance to
teach my children about getting things done. They are still at an age
where they want to be helpers, especially if they are getting to do
something out of the ordinary. And so, at 8, 5, and 3, I have them sort
laundry in a corner of the kitchen while I make breakfast. Surprisingly,
most of it actually ends up in the right place. I can hand them each a
dust rag and turn them loose in the house and 1/2 to 2/3 of a job I
loathe will be taken care of before I finish the vacuuming. I look for
kid-sized jobs, like having them unload the clothes dryer and learn to
fold socks, and I teach them one thing at a time, because I know that
one day they'll need to do all these things for themselves. And if I've
helped them learn to do it I've shown my love for them without them even knowing it. And as I watch them learn to accomplish new things on their own, I can smile at their success, and mark
something else off my list as complete.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Mary Poppins moments
Ok, I'm goofy ... I'll admit it (but only this once, and if you try to prove it later I'll only deny it!). I suppose it's only to be expected, considering I grew up in a Rogers household. If you know my clan, that will make perfect sense ... if you don't, well, I'm afraid you're really missing out. Sorry about that.
One of the things that my family has always done is play word games. Twisting words or their meanings, bad puns, changing letters to make new words ... basically whatever we can think of. We've even been known to pirate other people's word creations into our own family's everyday vocabulary. You have to think quickly to keep up with conversations around the Rogers table. As a result of this upbringing, there are times when my thoughts jump from one thing to the next in ways that are entertaining to me, and highly confusing to other people.
Case in point ... my husband asked me a couple of weeks ago if there was a particular reason I was posting quotes from Mary Poppins on my Facebook page. And I laughed, because the answer was yes, but it was probably going to take me longer to explain than it took me to think of it.
One of the main jobs I have had since we married was taking care of our finances. He hates it, and I don't mind doing it, and since I had training in accounting it just seemed to fall to me to do it, which is fine. I can't say I've always been good at it ... it's taken me quite a while to develop a plan that seems to work, and has us gaining ground instead of losing it. This has been especially important since the kids came along, because we've lived on one income for the last 6 years, and for most of that time period we had a very small income to work with. Add in factors like multiple kids in diapers, and sometimes it was quite a challenge. Then about 18 months ago, I finally found a budgeting system that works really well for us. That, in addition to the new job that my husband was blessed with about a year ago, have gotten us to the point that we don't have to hold our breath from one paycheck to the next, but actually have the money for bills and things there when we need it. It's been an enormous blessing.
A couple of weeks ago I was paying bills as I always do at the first of the month. I had balanced our budgeting book, and was doing some final "tweaking" on how I wanted to keep track of things when it suddenly occurred to me that what I was doing in my budget book was a lot like some of the online games that I get such a kick out of ... the ones that give you quests to complete, and rewards once you complete them. The farther you go the more complicated the quests get, but the larger the rewards are as well. Suddenly, in the time it had taken a thought to flit through my head, my budget planning had gone from being something that I didn't mind doing and needed my attention, to being a game that I could succeed at and enjoy. A budget? Enjoyable? What a revolutionary thought!
And it only took a moment from the time that it became a "game" that I thought of Mary Poppins. She says, "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and SNAP! ... the job's a game!" In that moment, I actually laughed out loud, which is why I posted it that day on Facebook. It didn't mean much to most folks but me, really, but it reminded me that I need to always need to teach my sons to find the good in whatever situation they are working on, no matter how mundane it seems. And the other thing I want to be sure that they learn was at the end of that same Mary Poppins tune, when Michael complains about wanting to tidy up the nursery again. We don't always have to have all the things we think we want, or constantly be entertained. Because what Mary said is true:
"Enough is as good as a feast."
One of the things that my family has always done is play word games. Twisting words or their meanings, bad puns, changing letters to make new words ... basically whatever we can think of. We've even been known to pirate other people's word creations into our own family's everyday vocabulary. You have to think quickly to keep up with conversations around the Rogers table. As a result of this upbringing, there are times when my thoughts jump from one thing to the next in ways that are entertaining to me, and highly confusing to other people.
Case in point ... my husband asked me a couple of weeks ago if there was a particular reason I was posting quotes from Mary Poppins on my Facebook page. And I laughed, because the answer was yes, but it was probably going to take me longer to explain than it took me to think of it.
One of the main jobs I have had since we married was taking care of our finances. He hates it, and I don't mind doing it, and since I had training in accounting it just seemed to fall to me to do it, which is fine. I can't say I've always been good at it ... it's taken me quite a while to develop a plan that seems to work, and has us gaining ground instead of losing it. This has been especially important since the kids came along, because we've lived on one income for the last 6 years, and for most of that time period we had a very small income to work with. Add in factors like multiple kids in diapers, and sometimes it was quite a challenge. Then about 18 months ago, I finally found a budgeting system that works really well for us. That, in addition to the new job that my husband was blessed with about a year ago, have gotten us to the point that we don't have to hold our breath from one paycheck to the next, but actually have the money for bills and things there when we need it. It's been an enormous blessing.
A couple of weeks ago I was paying bills as I always do at the first of the month. I had balanced our budgeting book, and was doing some final "tweaking" on how I wanted to keep track of things when it suddenly occurred to me that what I was doing in my budget book was a lot like some of the online games that I get such a kick out of ... the ones that give you quests to complete, and rewards once you complete them. The farther you go the more complicated the quests get, but the larger the rewards are as well. Suddenly, in the time it had taken a thought to flit through my head, my budget planning had gone from being something that I didn't mind doing and needed my attention, to being a game that I could succeed at and enjoy. A budget? Enjoyable? What a revolutionary thought!
And it only took a moment from the time that it became a "game" that I thought of Mary Poppins. She says, "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and SNAP! ... the job's a game!" In that moment, I actually laughed out loud, which is why I posted it that day on Facebook. It didn't mean much to most folks but me, really, but it reminded me that I need to always need to teach my sons to find the good in whatever situation they are working on, no matter how mundane it seems. And the other thing I want to be sure that they learn was at the end of that same Mary Poppins tune, when Michael complains about wanting to tidy up the nursery again. We don't always have to have all the things we think we want, or constantly be entertained. Because what Mary said is true:
"Enough is as good as a feast."
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
A Mommy is a helper
Several months ago when we were visiting family, a very thoughtful gentleman suggested that I write a book about mothering. I kind of laughed and told him that I posted on a blog page at times, but that was about as close as I figured I'd get. While I was flattered, I'm not sure I'd ever consider myself enough of an "expert" to really feel like I oughta be telling someone else "how-to".
That being said, being a Mommy by nature makes me a helper. Or maybe it's because it's in my nature to want to be a helper that I became a Mommy. I'm not sure I could really untangle the one idea from another. In the end it doesn't really matter. Trying to help seems to be a part of who I am, whether I can really help or not. It manifests itself in many ways.
This past week, my youngest has been sick. Beyond sick ... he's been the kind of sick that begins to spook you, where you end up calling the doctor every time you turn around. We finally got him diagnosed over the weekend ... apparently his cold morphed into a double ear infection and developing pneumonia. I'm not sure I've ever been that spooked when it comes to my kids. I spent a day and a half before we got in to see the doctor feeling totally helpless, because there wasn't anything I could DO to try and help. It's an awful feeling ... I was literally on the verge of tears for 36-48 hours. Now, with large doses of antibiotics, he's beginning to improve, and I'm finally beginning to relax again. Somehow, that kind of helping (or trying to help) seems natural when it comes to mothering.This afternoon, though, I found myself trying to help in other ways ... ways that weren't specifically related to my own family, beyond sharing my experiences.
I'm acquainted with a young mother who is only half my age. Her first child is about six months old, and while I was wandering around on a popular social media page I tripped across a post she had made that gave me the distinct impression that she was frustrated and discouraged. There were things that she was wanting to do, and trying to do, but for one reason or another they weren't working and it left her feeling like she was missing out. So I sent her a brief message that said, in essence, "If you want to talk to someone, let me know." She did.
I spent a while talking back and forth with her, and wondered if I was really helping. Perhaps I was. Perhaps I was only telling her things that she already knew. I guess the point of my reaching out to her was that I knew that when you are a new mother, even if you already "know" something, it helps to have some encouragement and reinforcement of those ideas ... someone to tell you that, no, you're not crazy for thinking what you're thinking, and no, you shouldn't feel guilty in this or that situation. Sometimes it just helps to know that someone has been through it before, and guess what ... it'll probably turn out just fine, even if it doesn't feel that way right this minute. Truth be told, sometimes even more "experienced" mothers feel that way (i.e. the sick child illustration above). I don't really have any way of knowing, since we weren't actually TALKING but doing it all by computer, whether I helped at all or not. I hope I did. And I hope that if she needs someone to talk to again she'll remember me. Because whether it's yours or someone else's ... a mother wants to be, if nothing else, a helper to those who need her.
That being said, being a Mommy by nature makes me a helper. Or maybe it's because it's in my nature to want to be a helper that I became a Mommy. I'm not sure I could really untangle the one idea from another. In the end it doesn't really matter. Trying to help seems to be a part of who I am, whether I can really help or not. It manifests itself in many ways.
This past week, my youngest has been sick. Beyond sick ... he's been the kind of sick that begins to spook you, where you end up calling the doctor every time you turn around. We finally got him diagnosed over the weekend ... apparently his cold morphed into a double ear infection and developing pneumonia. I'm not sure I've ever been that spooked when it comes to my kids. I spent a day and a half before we got in to see the doctor feeling totally helpless, because there wasn't anything I could DO to try and help. It's an awful feeling ... I was literally on the verge of tears for 36-48 hours. Now, with large doses of antibiotics, he's beginning to improve, and I'm finally beginning to relax again. Somehow, that kind of helping (or trying to help) seems natural when it comes to mothering.This afternoon, though, I found myself trying to help in other ways ... ways that weren't specifically related to my own family, beyond sharing my experiences.
I'm acquainted with a young mother who is only half my age. Her first child is about six months old, and while I was wandering around on a popular social media page I tripped across a post she had made that gave me the distinct impression that she was frustrated and discouraged. There were things that she was wanting to do, and trying to do, but for one reason or another they weren't working and it left her feeling like she was missing out. So I sent her a brief message that said, in essence, "If you want to talk to someone, let me know." She did.
I spent a while talking back and forth with her, and wondered if I was really helping. Perhaps I was. Perhaps I was only telling her things that she already knew. I guess the point of my reaching out to her was that I knew that when you are a new mother, even if you already "know" something, it helps to have some encouragement and reinforcement of those ideas ... someone to tell you that, no, you're not crazy for thinking what you're thinking, and no, you shouldn't feel guilty in this or that situation. Sometimes it just helps to know that someone has been through it before, and guess what ... it'll probably turn out just fine, even if it doesn't feel that way right this minute. Truth be told, sometimes even more "experienced" mothers feel that way (i.e. the sick child illustration above). I don't really have any way of knowing, since we weren't actually TALKING but doing it all by computer, whether I helped at all or not. I hope I did. And I hope that if she needs someone to talk to again she'll remember me. Because whether it's yours or someone else's ... a mother wants to be, if nothing else, a helper to those who need her.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
There are things I remember ...
It's amazing the things that I once thought I needed or wanted from life that seem to have fallen by the wayside since I had children. So many things were just "normal" back then, and now I occasionally wonder what happened. I wonder where the girl I knew went, and whether I should mourn her passing. It's not that all that stuff is necessarily "better", or really "needed" at all, just that ... well, I guess things just change.
I remember a time when my husband and I both worked, and although we probably didn't budget as carefully as we could have, we had the ability to go out to eat or go to a movie when we wanted to. I even managed to save a decent down-payment on our first home, although it wasn't as much as I would have preferred. Now, money is tighter because it has to go more directions, and there is only half as much coming in. Still, my husband was blessed with a new job this past year, which has made things easier, and I've learned to budget much more effectively ... the bills are always paid, and we still eat out sometimes, although our restaurant choices have narrowed drastically. We almost never make it to the movies anymore, but the stories are just as good when they get to the library's free DVD selection as they are on the big screen. Not missing out much there.
I remember the luxury of sleeping in ... ah, now THAT I miss, at least part of the time! Now I've got three little boys who want to be up and moving with the sun, and "sleeping in" for me is usually only about 7:30 am. Still, it's a hour and a half more than I normally get, so I can't really complain.
I remember how much I enjoyed my "quiet time" ... time to just sit and read or do research or crafts with little to no interruptions. Now, I have nearly constant "little" interruptions ... I have to tell myself that they are learning and growing, and if I want them to be the kinds of young men I hope them to be, they are going to have to do most of their learning from me. If I neglect those things, someone else will take up the slack, and I may not like the results. Sometimes, like most everyone, I'd rather "do my own thing", but then I try to remind myself that soon ... much too soon ... my little ones won't be coming to me with their questions and their problems, and I need to take advantage of the time I have with them. I also find myself mindful of the time that I did not ever get to have with the little one we lost, and it helps me pull myself out of the "interruption irritation".
I remember feeling attractive, all dressed up in high heels, with my hair and nails done and my makeup on ... these days I feel ordinary, in blue jeans and a t-shirt, with my hair pulled back out of the way of little hands and projects that need doing. I'm doing good to get makeup on my face once a week for church, my hair cut a couple times a year, and I can't even remember the last time I got my nails done. I haven't really worn high heels much since the year Chris and I married, because I broke my foot that winter, and they've never been that comfortable since. My husband and my children tell me I'm pretty, and I'm thankful they think so, but I don't think of myself in that gear any more. For the most part, I've got too many other things to think about.
There are so many things ... but it boils down to my chosen perspective. Because most of all I remember this: Once I was lonely ... now I am surrounded by love. Whether it's exactly what I expected it to be or not, I am living the life I wanted to live, and I am exceptionally blessed.
I remember a time when my husband and I both worked, and although we probably didn't budget as carefully as we could have, we had the ability to go out to eat or go to a movie when we wanted to. I even managed to save a decent down-payment on our first home, although it wasn't as much as I would have preferred. Now, money is tighter because it has to go more directions, and there is only half as much coming in. Still, my husband was blessed with a new job this past year, which has made things easier, and I've learned to budget much more effectively ... the bills are always paid, and we still eat out sometimes, although our restaurant choices have narrowed drastically. We almost never make it to the movies anymore, but the stories are just as good when they get to the library's free DVD selection as they are on the big screen. Not missing out much there.
I remember the luxury of sleeping in ... ah, now THAT I miss, at least part of the time! Now I've got three little boys who want to be up and moving with the sun, and "sleeping in" for me is usually only about 7:30 am. Still, it's a hour and a half more than I normally get, so I can't really complain.
I remember how much I enjoyed my "quiet time" ... time to just sit and read or do research or crafts with little to no interruptions. Now, I have nearly constant "little" interruptions ... I have to tell myself that they are learning and growing, and if I want them to be the kinds of young men I hope them to be, they are going to have to do most of their learning from me. If I neglect those things, someone else will take up the slack, and I may not like the results. Sometimes, like most everyone, I'd rather "do my own thing", but then I try to remind myself that soon ... much too soon ... my little ones won't be coming to me with their questions and their problems, and I need to take advantage of the time I have with them. I also find myself mindful of the time that I did not ever get to have with the little one we lost, and it helps me pull myself out of the "interruption irritation".
I remember feeling attractive, all dressed up in high heels, with my hair and nails done and my makeup on ... these days I feel ordinary, in blue jeans and a t-shirt, with my hair pulled back out of the way of little hands and projects that need doing. I'm doing good to get makeup on my face once a week for church, my hair cut a couple times a year, and I can't even remember the last time I got my nails done. I haven't really worn high heels much since the year Chris and I married, because I broke my foot that winter, and they've never been that comfortable since. My husband and my children tell me I'm pretty, and I'm thankful they think so, but I don't think of myself in that gear any more. For the most part, I've got too many other things to think about.
There are so many things ... but it boils down to my chosen perspective. Because most of all I remember this: Once I was lonely ... now I am surrounded by love. Whether it's exactly what I expected it to be or not, I am living the life I wanted to live, and I am exceptionally blessed.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A New Year for Mommy
I don't really believe in "New Year's Resolutions" all that much. I think people have good intentions as they start out the new year, but somehow the "resolution" tag just allows all those good intentions to fall between the cracks of every day life, because after all, resolutions were made to be broken anyway.
That being said, I think that setting goals for yourself in the New Year is a great idea. It gives you a challenge for yourself ... room to grow and be more of the person that you could be. I have financial goals for for myself and the family for the year, and that sort of thing. But the goals that I want to work on the hardest are the personal ones. And when I stop to think about it, so many of them revolve around me and my children. I suppose, since I'm a Mommy, that's only natural. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that in many ways, my goal is to become more LIKE my children this year. Yes, I have to be the Mommy, and the "responsible-grown-up-person" in the equation, but sometimes I think that part of growing as a person is learning that you can re-visit the child you once were without fear or embarrassment.
This then is a list of some of my goals for the New Year ... the things that I have picked up on with my children. There are so many more things I could list, but this is a good place to start:
I want to wake up each morning with a smile on my face.
I want to give generously of my hugs and kisses.
I want to dance when I like the music.
I want to sing when I feel like it, even if the words don't make sense.
I want to stop and investigate when I'm curious.
I want to be glad when I can help.
I want to feel deeply, and forgive quickly.
I want to jump up and down when I'm excited.
I want to always be glad that it's "church day".
I want to laugh loudly at jokes, even if (or especially if) they're goofy.
I want my sibling to be one of my best friends.
I want to take joy in simple things.
May you all have a "childish" New Year!
That being said, I think that setting goals for yourself in the New Year is a great idea. It gives you a challenge for yourself ... room to grow and be more of the person that you could be. I have financial goals for for myself and the family for the year, and that sort of thing. But the goals that I want to work on the hardest are the personal ones. And when I stop to think about it, so many of them revolve around me and my children. I suppose, since I'm a Mommy, that's only natural. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that in many ways, my goal is to become more LIKE my children this year. Yes, I have to be the Mommy, and the "responsible-grown-up-person" in the equation, but sometimes I think that part of growing as a person is learning that you can re-visit the child you once were without fear or embarrassment.
This then is a list of some of my goals for the New Year ... the things that I have picked up on with my children. There are so many more things I could list, but this is a good place to start:
I want to wake up each morning with a smile on my face.
I want to give generously of my hugs and kisses.
I want to dance when I like the music.
I want to sing when I feel like it, even if the words don't make sense.
I want to stop and investigate when I'm curious.
I want to be glad when I can help.
I want to feel deeply, and forgive quickly.
I want to jump up and down when I'm excited.
I want to always be glad that it's "church day".
I want to laugh loudly at jokes, even if (or especially if) they're goofy.
I want my sibling to be one of my best friends.
I want to take joy in simple things.
May you all have a "childish" New Year!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Growing a Parent: Respond vs. React
I'll never be a parenting expert. Truth be told, I don't think anyone ever will be. I'd like to think that I learn and grow as a parent, though, the same as I'd like to think that I can learn and grow as a person, a Christian, and in any number of other ways. My kids teach me new things every day, and some things I just eventually realize on my own, and wonder why on earth I didn't think of it before. One of the things that I've worked really hard on, especially in the last few years, is looking at how I respond to situations with my kids.
Let's face it ... raising kids can be a wonderful experience. It can also be a frightening, maddening, stressful, where-did-I-put-that-straight-jacket experience. The news today has so many stories of children being mistreated and abused, and I find myself wondering how parents could possibly treat a child that way. I would never dream of intentionally harming my children. My guess is that many parents around the world feel exactly the same way. I've begun to think, though, that in many cases it has to do with a parent who hasn't learned the difference between responding to a situation and reacting to a situation.
Think about the last time you watched a group of kids play together. One child takes a toy, or does something else that another child doesn't like, and what happens? The second child will cry, or scream, or find a way to lash out in an attempt to say "I don't like this at all!" We look at children doing this and think, "There's a better way to deal with this.", but then we don't even notice when we do similar things.
Case in point ... as we were leaving an evening church service recently, we told the kids to go get in the truck (my husband still objects to calling a minivan a truck, but that's another story). My five-year old blasted off across the parking lot in the direction of our vehicle, not noticing that there was a car parked next to us whose driver was preparing to back out. Startled at the danger, we called out for him to stop, and managed to get him out of the way of the vehicle. (Thankfully, they had seen him and hadn't moved anywhere.) My son now safe, this is where I try to make it a point to respond, instead of react, to the situation. My inclination (the reaction part of me), would be to tan his hide and yell at him for putting himself in danger. The reason? Well, yes, it could have been dangerous, but a large part of it would have been because he scared the daylights out of me. On the other hand, the "respond" part of me part of me might give him ONE swat and a serious scolding about being more careful and explaining what almost happened. What's the reasoning? Well, to begin with, he's five. I don't want him putting himself in danger at all, but I have to understand that five is never going to be as observant as adult. It's my job to watch out for things for him, until he learns to watch out for them himself. Besides all that, he was attempting to be obedient, by going to the truck in the first place. If I start spanking him for no apparent (to him) reason, what does that teach him?
I think it's a lesson some parents have a hard time learning. They have a child that doesn't do exactly what they want them to, or an unexpected situation comes up, and they REACT to the situation instead of responding to it. It's an easy mistake for all of us to make, but for us and for our children it's so important that as adults we learn the difference. It's a part of being the kind of parents our children need us to be.
Let's face it ... raising kids can be a wonderful experience. It can also be a frightening, maddening, stressful, where-did-I-put-that-straight-jacket experience. The news today has so many stories of children being mistreated and abused, and I find myself wondering how parents could possibly treat a child that way. I would never dream of intentionally harming my children. My guess is that many parents around the world feel exactly the same way. I've begun to think, though, that in many cases it has to do with a parent who hasn't learned the difference between responding to a situation and reacting to a situation.
Think about the last time you watched a group of kids play together. One child takes a toy, or does something else that another child doesn't like, and what happens? The second child will cry, or scream, or find a way to lash out in an attempt to say "I don't like this at all!" We look at children doing this and think, "There's a better way to deal with this.", but then we don't even notice when we do similar things.
Case in point ... as we were leaving an evening church service recently, we told the kids to go get in the truck (my husband still objects to calling a minivan a truck, but that's another story). My five-year old blasted off across the parking lot in the direction of our vehicle, not noticing that there was a car parked next to us whose driver was preparing to back out. Startled at the danger, we called out for him to stop, and managed to get him out of the way of the vehicle. (Thankfully, they had seen him and hadn't moved anywhere.) My son now safe, this is where I try to make it a point to respond, instead of react, to the situation. My inclination (the reaction part of me), would be to tan his hide and yell at him for putting himself in danger. The reason? Well, yes, it could have been dangerous, but a large part of it would have been because he scared the daylights out of me. On the other hand, the "respond" part of me part of me might give him ONE swat and a serious scolding about being more careful and explaining what almost happened. What's the reasoning? Well, to begin with, he's five. I don't want him putting himself in danger at all, but I have to understand that five is never going to be as observant as adult. It's my job to watch out for things for him, until he learns to watch out for them himself. Besides all that, he was attempting to be obedient, by going to the truck in the first place. If I start spanking him for no apparent (to him) reason, what does that teach him?
I think it's a lesson some parents have a hard time learning. They have a child that doesn't do exactly what they want them to, or an unexpected situation comes up, and they REACT to the situation instead of responding to it. It's an easy mistake for all of us to make, but for us and for our children it's so important that as adults we learn the difference. It's a part of being the kind of parents our children need us to be.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
What they don't know can't hurt them ... at least most of the time.
Occasionally, I just feel the need to purge stuff from the house. Things get to feeling cluttered and unlivable, and so it's time to clear some of it out. More often than not, this has a lot to do with the kid's toys. With birthdays, Christmas, generous friends and doting grandparents, sometimes it seems like the kids have more toys than they know what to do with. I've known kids (fortunately not mine) who actually had so many toys that they had a separate room just to catch all the stuff that overflowed from their rooms. In our house, though, when the boys get to digging through a huge toy box full of things and start complaining about how they can't find what they're looking for, Mommy usually decides it's time to clear out the clutter.
Most of the time, it happens when the older two boys are at school. It isn't necessary, perhaps, but the truth is it makes my life a little easier. I can drag everything out in the floor and make an honest assessment of what they usually play with, without having to hear "Oh, WOW! I forgot we had that!" and having three pairs of hands in the middle of things. I usually don't eliminate large numbers of toys at a time, but I weed out things that they are outgrowing or don't play with, and pitch stuff that is obviously broken beyond repair. Sometimes, just the act of putting things where they BELONG, like the Hot Wheels-type cars in their storage boxes instead of in the toy box, can work wonders. After this morning's clearing, we no longer have toy box that is full almost to bursting, but one that's only about 2/3 full. It makes me feel much better.
Of course, when the kids get home, one of two things will happen. The first possibility is they will not even notice that I've cleaned the toy box out, and go on happily about their business. This is always the nicer of the two options, for obvious reasons. The other possibility is that they'll come home, dig through the toy box, and holler "Hey Mom! Where's _____? I can't find it!" I'll probably have the urge to shake my head or roll my eyes, wondering why they suddenly felt the need to find a toy they haven't played with in 6 months, and then I'll have to tell them that I cleaned out the toy box and took out some stuff they weren't playing with.
Fortunately, most of the time when that happens, they pretty much take it in stride, especially when they're reminded that it's not all that long until Christmas, or birthday, or whatever rolls around again. I try to teach my kids to be thankful for the things they have, and willing to part with things they don't need so that other folks can enjoy them. So I pack up all the outgrown/unused stuff in storage boxes and put it out in the garage for our annual yard sale. The kids will come out and look at things and say, "Hey, I remember that!", play with it for a minute or two, and then put it back down for the sale. And I'll be thankful, because I know they're growing up.
Most of the time, it happens when the older two boys are at school. It isn't necessary, perhaps, but the truth is it makes my life a little easier. I can drag everything out in the floor and make an honest assessment of what they usually play with, without having to hear "Oh, WOW! I forgot we had that!" and having three pairs of hands in the middle of things. I usually don't eliminate large numbers of toys at a time, but I weed out things that they are outgrowing or don't play with, and pitch stuff that is obviously broken beyond repair. Sometimes, just the act of putting things where they BELONG, like the Hot Wheels-type cars in their storage boxes instead of in the toy box, can work wonders. After this morning's clearing, we no longer have toy box that is full almost to bursting, but one that's only about 2/3 full. It makes me feel much better.
Of course, when the kids get home, one of two things will happen. The first possibility is they will not even notice that I've cleaned the toy box out, and go on happily about their business. This is always the nicer of the two options, for obvious reasons. The other possibility is that they'll come home, dig through the toy box, and holler "Hey Mom! Where's _____? I can't find it!" I'll probably have the urge to shake my head or roll my eyes, wondering why they suddenly felt the need to find a toy they haven't played with in 6 months, and then I'll have to tell them that I cleaned out the toy box and took out some stuff they weren't playing with.
Fortunately, most of the time when that happens, they pretty much take it in stride, especially when they're reminded that it's not all that long until Christmas, or birthday, or whatever rolls around again. I try to teach my kids to be thankful for the things they have, and willing to part with things they don't need so that other folks can enjoy them. So I pack up all the outgrown/unused stuff in storage boxes and put it out in the garage for our annual yard sale. The kids will come out and look at things and say, "Hey, I remember that!", play with it for a minute or two, and then put it back down for the sale. And I'll be thankful, because I know they're growing up.
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