I'm grown, but I've still got homework

Springtime always makes me think of a bunch of things, and one of them is homework. Wait ... homework?? Yeah. It kind of goes hand in hand with talking about my kids being detectives (after a fashion), and always asking questions. In the spring, when I realize that there's only a couple months of school left, it occurs to me that I'm gonna have to find a (preferably inexpensive) way to keep the kids entertained all summer. Kinda makes you feel like you did when you had to come up with some kind of a science project in school and get it ready by a certain deadline ... and in this case, my deadline is summer.

Last spring, I hit on the idea of creating a "countdown calendar" to when school started again. One reason was to try and help assure Mommy's sanity throughout the summer by having visible proof that things would get back to normal again eventually. It was also an exciting time for my four-year old, who was getting ready to start preschool. (Now he's getting ready to start Kindergarten ... how is that even possible?)

The one thing that made it a big hit, though, was the fact that next to each week during the course of the summer we put down something that the kids were interesting in learning about ... everything from pirates to dinosaurs, outer space and ocean life. We had one day a week we set aside for trips to the library, and we'd check out all kinds of books and movies on whatever the subject was for that week. The kids had a blast, and it kept me interested as well. I think we're gonna have to try that again this summer.

Thing is, this year I hope that I can also help incorporate some other things that I want to be able to teach them. I'd like to encourage my seven-year old to help develop his skills around what the Cub Scouts call their "Core Values" ... things like respect and honesty, compassion and faith. Things that my kids (and all kids) need to learn. The challenging part is just coming up with interesting ways to incorporate those lessons into our everyday activities. Sometimes, it might be a little easier, when we're doing things like gardening. Sometimes, I'm sure it's not going to be easy at all. It's gonna take this Mommy a lot of thought, and sometimes I feel like I'm already getting behind. In short, I suppose it's time for Mommy to get started on her homework, so it'll be ready when the time comes!

Kids Are Natural Detectives

I think anyone who has an ounce of common sense and wants to have children knows that those kids are going to start asking questions once they get old enough to talk. My kids are experts at it. There are all the usual kinds of questions, like, "Mommy, what are you doing?", "Where are we going?", "What's for dinner?", "Where is my ...?" What amazes me sometimes, though, is two things.

First of all, there is the sheer VOLUME of questions. Yes, I understand ... questions are how kids learn. I have to admit, though, that I didn't remember the world being so full of questions when I was a kid. It probably was, but my goodness! Seems sometimes like I get questions 24 hours a day per child ... and that's multiplied by three children. It's no wonder I'm ready to stop talking at the end of the day!

The other thing that is sometimes challenging is the complexity of the questions. When I'm explaining mixing up a batch of muffins and the things I put in them, it's not really a big deal. I can usually even manage the slightly more unusual ones, like whether a jet plane is faster than a tornado. But once in a while I get one from left field, like yesterday. My older two boys and I were headed to the farm supply place for gardening supplies, when my almost five-year-old asked "Mommy, what do the people do who die at the cemetery?" Um ...

Ok, easy part first, kiddo ... most people don't actually DIE at the cemetery. That happens somewhere else. But then I was faced with trying to figure out what the actual question was. Was he asking about the family and what they did when someone died? Was he asking about being buried and what that was all about? Was he asking about what happens when we die? All fairly complex questions for someone who's not even going to be five for another six weeks. I'm not sure I ever did really figure out what the question was. All I know is that either I managed to come up with something that satisfied him, or he got bored listening to Mom beating around the bush.

Once upon a time, I considered becoming a teacher for a living. I finally decided that I didn't think I had the temperament to try and deal with 20 or 30 kids going in all directions every day. I don't guess I had ever stopped to ponder that I am a teacher now, though only of three of my own. I must be learner and teacher ... a walking mix of  the Bible  and the "World Book Encyclopedia" for my children to open and learn from at the drop of a hat. Sometimes in Mommy-hood, you gotta be prepared for anything.

Lesson: Mommies Are Stronger Than They Think They Are

There are so many things that you don't think to prepare for before you become a parent. I expect most new and/or expectant parents expect an "Ozzie and Harriet" or "Leave it to Beaver" home. We have this subconscious expectation that things will always work out ... you know, that the problems will all be relatively minor, you'll always know how to handle them, and things will fall back into their proper place within one hour or less. I'm not saying we all really think that, only that you don't stop to ponder all the "what ifs", which I suppose in the long run is why the human race continues to have children.

My kids have given my share of scares, I guess, even though they are only 7, 4, and 2 years old. The first time I had a child with a fever of 104, I was stressed. The first time one of them slammed his head into a door frame and tried to give himself two black eyes in the process, I was stressed. The youngest fell into a table and gashed his head open exactly a week after he started walking. I cleaned him up and put a bandage on it, trying to stay calm. (Part of that was because he needed help, and part of it was because I could tell that his Daddy was in a state of half-panic over it.) The middle boy had his turn when he fell and split his cheek open and had to go to the emergency room one night after church because the doctor’s office had closed about an hour before. 

I used to have an extremely weak stomach when it came to cleaning unpleasant things up, but I’ve spent my share of time mopping up from sick stomachs, grouchy intestines, or damaged and wounded skin. It’s not my favorite job, and once in a while it still tries to do a number on my stomach, but it’s part of being a Mom. Most of the "crisis" moments I've gone through have allowed me to handle the next one with at least relative ease. 

I laugh now when I think about the nurse who was eavesdropping on my conversation as I spoke to my newborn (as in about 10 minutes old) third son. I was commiserating with him, unstressed, as he wailed and protested his rude introduction to the world. The nurse made some sort of a comment about how she loved to listen to Moms who had been through all this before, because they were so calm about things. But that's really what it takes. Being a Mommy has taught me that staying calm helps my children (and sometimes my husband) to be calmer, and eases the tension for all of us. Whether I knew it or not, I CAN do this!

Lesson: Kids Have A Natural "Rogers" Vocabulary

Ok, lest I confuse anyone who may read this that wasn't raised in our Rogers Clan, let me explain. My family was all raised (or so it seems) to play word games. We mix and mangle words willy-nilly, until the average person (like my husband, for instance) sometimes has a hard time keeping up. We also have a thing about bad puns, running gags, and a variety of other things. So what does this have to do with my kids?

Well, I've discovered, that aside from the typical kid tendencies to make words up at the drop of a hat just to be silly, some of the things I remember most about my young children is the words that they invented for things, especially when they were just learning to speak clearly. They have become as ingrained in my consciousness now as some of the Rogers-isms I grew up with.

In recent days, my two-year old will abruptly switch from walking to jumping, and tell me he's being a "Kay-ma-roof". I suppose to two-year old ears, that's exactly what "kangaroo" sounds like! He calls bananas "Bah-ME-nahs". My oldest, when he was little, used to call planes at the nearby airport "oosh!", because after all that's the sound they make when they take off. We used to eat "froo fries" with our hamburgers. There are so many wonderful, inventive KID words out there. I'm sure I've forgotten more of them than I remember.

I still try to make sure that my kids get at least a little "Rogers" training, so they won't be totally confused when we visit family, and so that I can (hopefully) keep up as well. It's amazing how rusty one can get at those things. Still, it's fun to know that with little ones in the house, the English language is never likely to even approach boring! :)

Lesson: Sometimes life gets in the way

I sat and read an acquaintance's blog this morning, which reminded me I haven't posted anything on here in forever. Go figure. When I got to thinking about it, and how "lax" I was being, it occurred to me that sometimes life just gets in the way of all the things you mean to do.

For instance, there's Better Homes and Gardens, and then there's my house. No matter how I try to keep up with straightening up and cleaning, it never seems to get done. I think I live in a perpetual layer of dust and debris, which I suppose should only be expected with three little boys in the house. I've read all kinds of suggestions from the "gurus", like "Spend the few minutes you're on the phone putting something away." The trouble with that is that if and when my phone ever rings I'm usually in the middle of making dinner, trying to get the boys to be quiet enough that I can actually figure out who's on the phone, refereeing a squabble, kissing a hurt, and trying not to burn myself in the process. Who's got time to pick up or push a dust-rag around? I shouldn't even bother to mention the ever-present layer of Cheerios under the table ... my kids can't seem to eat anything without dropping it in the floor, and since my entire house is carpeted (excluding bathrooms, but including dining room and kitchen) ... I can't drag out the vacuum three or four times a day!

One time a while back I got discouraged, because it seemed like I usually had a list of things I wanted to get done in a given day, but it seemed like when I got to the end of the day and collapsed exhausted into bed I hadn't really accomplished anything. So I decided, just for kicks, to keep a list of all the things I did in a day, to see if I was really accomplishing something and/or wasting my time when I shouldn't be. I got up and started my day and my list at the same time ... included everything, like diaper changes and my own trips down the hall, just to get a feel for where my day went. About 3:00 p.m., when  my list got to be 3 or 4 pages long, I gave up on it, deciding that maybe I was doing something with my day after all. I did save it on the computer though, so that when I'm feeling unproductive I can look at it and remind myself what being a full-time Mommy is like.

So, short story long, I will try to do better and keeping up with my "Mommy Lessons", but if I fall behind, know that sometimes just being a Mommy takes up my time, but since my time is one of the most important things I can give my boys, those "Lessons" may just have to wait a little longer.

It Doesn't Take Much

One thing that is readily apparent as I parent from day to day is the fact that it often doesn't take much when it comes to our kids ... either good or bad.

For instance, here about a week ago I got up on a Sunday morning and took a shower as I usually do. I opened the door to come out of the bathroom and get dressed to find my 6-year-old standing there right outside the bathroom door, still looking like he was half asleep. I gave him a mild scolding for coming in there while I was undressed, because we've been trying to teach him that there are parts of people's bodies that they need to keep private. (It's kind of a shame that kids have to learn about things so early anymore, but there you are.) At any rate, he immediately burst into tears and turned to leave the room. When I asked him why he was crying, he said, "I just wanted to tell you good morning!" I told him, "Ok, give me a minute to get dressed, and then you can tell me good morning."  I felt awful about the whole thing on the one hand, and wanted to laugh about it on the other. He probably wouldn't have responded quite that way if he'd been more awake, but it also reminded me again rather abruptly that even the most simple things you do and say can affect your children. Once I was dressed we sat and talked, and I tried again to explain about privacy, and that just because I didn't want him coming in there when I was getting out of the shower didn't mean I didn't want to tell him good morning, it just meant he needed to be patient for a minute while I got dressed. He was fine after a bit, of course, but I'm still thinking about it days later.

Praise is an easy way to make your kids happy. I think about my youngest, for instance, who will be two later this week, and the fact that he loves to go and sit on the potty because his older brothers are doing it. When he has a success we do a happy dance and share big hugs, and he's on cloud nine. No worries about potty charts or anything else at this stage ... he just loves the extra attention. It makes me ponder the families out there that can't really be bothered paying attention to their kids. They put them in daycare when they're tiny, ignore them when they get home because there's too many other things to do, shove them into a million different activities when they're older, and wonder why they don't turn out acting quite like they think they should have. I realize that's not true of people across the board, but come on people, use some common sense. These are YOUR children, and they want to be with YOU. Just be careful what you say and do around them, or they may turn out more like you than you wanted them to!

The Power of Tears

You know, as a Mommy, I’ve seen my share of tears from my kids. Tears of frustration, tears for hurt feelings and hurt body parts, tears that are all for show, because they aren’t getting what they want. Every once in a while, though, the power of their tears takes me by surprise.

Yes, I’m the typical Mommy (or at least I think I am). I know when their tears are just indicators of a tantrum. I know that for some hurts, Mommy kisses will dry them almost immediately, and they’ll get back to what they are doing. I also know that sometimes, when the hurts are genuine and painful, like splits to the head or knees or whatever else, sometimes it takes more cuddling and kisses than the typical bumps and bruises. Once in a while, though … once in a very great while, they nearly cause tears in Mommy as well.

I had that experience several months ago with my middle son. He is, at four, sometimes still very much in his “terrible twos.” Tantrums and meltdowns are commonplace in his world, and so I’m greatly accustomed to his loud angry wails about one thing or another. That is why this particular day was so unique. I was chastising him, yet again, about something that he was doing that he had been told time and again NOT to do. I left the room for a moment, and when I returned he was standing where I had left him, making not a sound, but with tears streaming silently down his face. It made my heart lurch. He never cries quietly, and because I work really hard to choose my words carefully with my children, I knew I hadn’t said anything that should have been particularly hurtful. We sat and talked for a few minutes, shared a hug, and then he went on his way. But somehow the memory of those silent tears catches me off guard even now. I never knew why they came or why they went, but they certainly touched my heart.